In the Closet
by Lord Seymour Guado
Summary: Yugi and Yami are out for the day and their "friends" are in their room rumaging for some good cards. Rated for language. I forgot the disclaimer, I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh!.


In the Closet  
  
A/N: Sorry if it isn't funny, but I've got a weird sense of humor and the story is normal, average humor. And I write more dramatic stories than this, so be kind. Also, the timeline isn't real and it's set after battle city.  
  
Summary: Yugi and Yami are out for the day and their "friends" are in their room rumaging for some good cards.  
  
General/Humor  
PG-13  
  
"Quit pushing!"   
  
"Who's hand is on my ass... Get it off this instant!!!"  
  
"It's...too...crowded... I...cannot...breath......."  
  
"Thank you..."  
  
"Sorry, there's no room to move."  
  
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"  
  
"Stop laughing jack ass..."  
  
"Someone needs a bath... Cologne is not a subsitute for soap and water."  
  
"Please, make it stop..."  
  
"Cover your mouth."  
  
"Hey! Did you guys hear that? Someone's coming, quiet."  
  
There was finally rest in the dark, musty, and overall uncomfortable closet in Yugi Motou's room. It seemed as if Fate was protecting the small boy and the spirit of the puzzle by preventing any successful attempt at stealing the rare and powerful cards the boys possessed.   
  
'I picked a Hell of a day to become a card theif...' Kaiba thought irritably as he found his body wrapped around various other boys with questionable bathing habits and two bitchy girls in some sort of half assed version of twister. 'To think it could have been avoided if I went to the hell that is a company meeting.'  
  
He remembered how this all got started...  
  
(Two Hours Earlier)  
  
He watched as Yugi and Yami left his grandfather's game shop and home, off to some game convention being held downtown. 'Time to make my move...' He thought as the pair disappeared down the block.   
  
He made his way into the shop and then up into Yugi's room. He looked around the room looking for the place where Yugi kept his cards. He was about to make his move on a suspicous looking dresser, he heard a noise.   
  
'Shit, HIDE!!!' His brain screamed in alarm. In a frenzied panic, he dove for the closet and hid in the darkest corner.  
  
"Ow!" Came a hushed, but loud cry. Before he could say anything, Yugi entered the room. He muttered something about pharaohs and their driving skills and stalked around his room for a few minutes.   
  
"Yugi, hurry up. I don't wanna miss the Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children trailers and promos!" Yami called.  
  
"Yeah, well we wouldn't be facing that possibility if you didn't total the car! Not everything is like a game, you know!" Yugi shouted to his Yami as he took off the heavy gold puzzle around his sore neck.  
  
"C'mon it wasn't that bad!"  
  
"Yami, never in my life have I come so close to death!"  
  
That said, silence reigned for the next few minutes. Kaiba watched as Yugi pulled out a big wad of yen and ran off to rejoin Yami. He and the person beside him waited for who knows how long until they were sure Yugi wasn't coming back. A sigh of relief release from the person beside him.  
  
"Who's there!" Kaiba demanded angrily.   
  
"It's me..."   
  
"Isis! What the... What are you doing here?" Asked Kaiba slightly surprised.  
  
"The same as you, I imagine." She replied. "Stealing the Egyptian God cards...if I can find them."  
  
"Only if you beat me to them and that's very unlikely." He said threateningly. Before Isis could respond, the creaking of the door to Yugi's room.  
  
"Did you hear that?" Isis asked Kaiba.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Theme music, my brother's."  
  
The sound of evil laughter filled the room, "Won't little Yugi and Big Yami be surprised when they find they're missing the most powerful cards in their de-"  
  
"Yugi! Are you in there? I thought you already left...Yami drive again?" Asked Solomon as he began to enter Yugi's room. He poked his head through a crack in the doorway and peered around. "Hm, strange. Must be getting senile." He said to himself.  
  
"Lemme guess, you two came to steal the cards too." Marik asked the other two people in the closet as they left the closet. To their surprise the slammed open without warning. "...Damn..." Bakura said angrily.  
  
"Why are all you freaks here? The Egyptian God cards are mine. I will regain my title as the number one dueli-"   
  
Kaiba's speech stopped when he realized the other three were searching Yugi's room for his card stash.   
  
After forty minutes of unsuccessful, yet careful searching, the four found themselves resting on Yugi's bed. "Well, where the Hell does this kid keep his cards...?" Marik asked tiredly.  
  
"Why does Yugi have forty of the same two outfits? No wonder I hardly see him in anything else besides that punk outfit and his school uniform." Bakura commented.  
  
"They must be here somewhere." Isis said.  
  
"Every cell in my body is crying out in complete and total anguish, Yugi." Said Yami weakly at the door. "I...I see Pegasus..."  
  
Everyone stared nervously at the door, all it took was the opening of the door and they'd be caught. Kaiba made a mad dash for the bathroom, trampling Isis and Marik in the process. Bakura went for the closet and left Isis and Marik to fend for themselves. The door creaked as Yugi entered the room, Marik grabbed his sister and dove under the bed...  
  
"Please Yami, you're not going to die from not having the puzzle nearby." Yugi said dryly from inside the room.  
  
"Yugi! Some empathy, please..." Yami whined, causing Yugi to sigh. "I mean we missed the Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children premiere."  
  
"Yeah, because you wrecked the car driving like a manic!" Yugi thundered.  
  
"Pegasus says 'Hi, Yugi boy.'"  
  
"Whatever... Stay here, I'll get the puzzle." Yami nodded to his hikari and watched as the young boy disappeared into his room.   
  
"Let's go, Yami. We'll have to take the bus this time, there's not enough money to take the train." Yugi said when he came back.  
  
Kaiba made his way out of the bathroom cautiously and checked to make sure the coast was clear. He wasted nearly an hour of his life searching for some stupid cards of a five year old game, that within two years, probably wouldn't be popular anymore. He made his way towards the door and opened it, only to be mowed down by a mess of blond hair and boobs known as Mai.  
  
"...........Kaiba? What are you doing here? Isis...Ma-Ma-Marik...!"   
  
"It looks like we've all had the same idea...and enacted it on the same day." Kaiba blandly.  
  
"Don't tell me you already found the Egyptian God cards." She said sullenly.  
  
"...No, they're not in this room." Answered Bakura making his prescence known. The look she gave him told she wouldn't take his word for it.  
  
"...I'll get rid of Yugi's Egyptian God cards the same way I got rid of Yugi's Exod-... Shit!" Weevil hissed upon seeing the others as he walked in.  
  
"Weevil? What's...wrong?" Rex asked as he saw the group that had gathered in Yugi's room. "See, I told you this plan lacks originality. Maybe next time you'll believe me."  
  
Rex turned around to leave, only to come straight back, a panicked and wild look on his face. "Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit! Yugi and Yami...here...closet!"  
  
"Not again, what is it this time?" Kaiba groaned as Marik dragged him the cramped, tiny closet. This closet barely hold two people on the floor sitting Indian style... It was not made to hold seven people.   
  
"Quit pushing!" Demanded Marik as he felt a sharp pain in his back and his forehead hit the door.  
  
"Who's hand is on my ass... Get it off this instant!!!" Mai said bluntly.  
  
"It's...too...crowded... I...cannot...breath......." Rex panted heavily.  
  
"Thank you..." Kaiba said gratefully.  
  
"Sorry, there's no room to move." Isis said sincerely.  
  
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Weevil laughed.  
  
"Stop laughing jack ass..." Marik commanded angrily.  
  
"Someone needs a bath... Cologne is not a subsitute for soap and water." Isis said as she noticed a stench and coughed voilently.  
  
"Please, make it stop..." Kaiba bitched to any God that would lend him an ear.  
  
"Cover your mouth." Weevil instructed.  
  
"Hey! Did you guys hear that? Someone's coming, quiet." Mai announced to everyone.  
  
"Yami, this is the last time I go anywhere with you, that's not a card tournement. Sometimes, I think you do it on purpose..." Yugi said accusingly. "It's bad luck to go any where else with you."  
  
The seven people in the closet shifted uncomfortably as the pair waltzed into their room. "I am not the one who left the puzzle behind." Yami defended.  
  
"Yeah," Yugi said. "You were the one that killed the car and got us kicked off the bus for picking that fight with the tranny. What did either of them do to you, hm?"  
  
It took every once of discipline and self restraint not to laugh loudly at the last comment. The image of Yami picking a fight with a transvestite was almost too much.  
  
"Alright," Yami said, raising his hands in defense. "I...admit I sure some of the blame but not all of it." Yugi nodded his head in agreement. The two smiled at each other for a minute.  
  
"Uh, Yami...what's that funky smell?" Yugi asked, sniffing the air and gagging.  
  
The nasty fumes invaded Yami's nostrils just then. "Yugi...it's coming from the closet." The two looked at the closet and began to approach it slowly.  
  
'Crap, they're gonna investigate...' Thought Rex, as he eyed the two nervously.  
  
"It's over...shoulda stayed home or gone to the meeting. At least then something productive could have happened.' Thought Kaiba.  
  
"What did I do to deserve this...' Thought Bakura as he watched the pharaoh and the vessel come closer.  
  
'NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' Screamed the brains of Weevil and Mai.  
  
'Please be-' Started Marik and Isis, but found impossible because somehow, the musty smell took on a new life. Before Yugi and Yami could reach the closet door, multiple screams invaded their ears. Followed by a stampede of wailing humans crushed them...  
  
"GOD IT STINKS!!!" Kaiba yelled as he ran for the doors of the game shop.  
  
"DEAR LORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Mai screeched higher than any winged beast could hope to.  
  
The others just ran, getting the Hell out of Dodge as fast as they could. Yami and Yugi slowly rose to their feet in silent awe as the foul smell reached their noses. However, they were in too much shock to notice the odor.  
  
"Yugi, did see Kaiba, Mai, Bakura, Isis, Marik, Weevil, and Rex come stampeding by here?" Yami asked dumbfounded.  
  
"No, not at all."  
  
"Good..."  
  
A/N: Hope you at least, got a smile out of this story. Also, sorry about any mistakes. And vessel refers to Yugi. 


End file.
